Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
