LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
