Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
