I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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