I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
