today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You have to summon your inner elephant
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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