my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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