i don't like sucking hair
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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