I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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