Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
