And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The uberlube is also flammable
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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