If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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