So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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