You work out of a Hotel?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
