I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
