This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
not ubering you a puppy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
