she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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