the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
