The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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