I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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