you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
