i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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