I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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