dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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