rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
