She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
