awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
