I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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