It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh god was she eating orange peels again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
