can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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