I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
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