I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
