there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
