margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
