He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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