ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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