drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
