My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Randomize
