I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
