He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
