why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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