Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didn't notice because vodka
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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