I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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