So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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