peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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