so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
