It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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