I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
