Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found puke in my bra..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
