every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
