im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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