just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
