R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
