You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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