No more Irish car bombs ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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