Hey man sorry I got all grabby
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
