I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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