Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
