Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
