I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
