Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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