I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
where am i from again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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