The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You smell like stripper and shame
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
