What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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