I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize