he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
