put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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