I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
