what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
