I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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