I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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