wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
