I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
