Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
