It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
