I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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