The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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