i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Reggie can tackle my bush.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
