First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
