You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
