btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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