I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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