He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
