She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
